So 2016 is turning out to be the next great year written into the history books alongside The Battle of Hastings in 1066 and The American Revolution of 1765 and ’83.
For the past few months every nation around the globe that hold a smidge of interest in global politics have been laughing raucously at the Brits and why the hell not! I mean the majority voted to leave the EU via Brexit under the guidance of Coco The Clown & a racist modern-day Nazi. The slightly more intellectual Brits hung their heads in shame, probably one of the greatest fuck-ups this generation has and will ever see, or is it.
Reprieve!! the good old U.S of A topped the stupidity polls today in electing the wig wearing, pussy-grabbing, racist illiterate wanker aka Trump. Whilst FB and the rest of the social media goes off the charts I can only wonder what on earth is next; although sat in a Sarong (yes, one of those girly things) in 35 degree heat, on a porch within the jungle suburbs of Khao Lak I can do nothing more than laugh at the utter lunacy of the self-proclaimed ‘Greatest Nation’ & the American
Dream Fuck Up.
So as the semi-wealthy Americans whose paranoia of a nuclear holocaust build their underground bunkers deeper, rape the local stores of all tinned foods for squirreling away alongside their newly acquired arsenals of semi-automatics, assault rifles, grenades & military grade RPG’s I can’t help thinking that these dumb-ass Americans that the world have laughed at via all streams of media over the years, did indeed have the foresight to see that their leaders where eventually going to reveal them as the descendants of Nostradamus.
What can you do then?
Short of following the nuclear holocaust paranoia group, not a lot, or you could just leg-it to a far away land that will not be involved in any crazy fall-out that may be on the horizon shortly.
Where to go:
Mexico – Meh, maybe not, unless you can hide the fact you are American very well (which in most cases isn’t going to happen…..the knee high socks tend to give it away every time)
Hawaii – Nope, you’re still on soil and likely to be caught up in Pearl Harbor 2.
Britain – Yeah, not really a good call unless you have extremely thick skin and can understand the abundance of sarcastic ridicule/ banter of the English sense of humor.
France – An extremely good option, although most Americans will still expect to see locals wearing striped jumpers with a string of onions around the neck, beret on head, a baguette under one arm and all riding bicycles. Although they do have the biggest white flag in the world so you may be safe there.
Australia – NO!!! If you thought English humor was hard to understand and offensive then Oz is definitely a no-go for you. The amount of abuse you would endure just for being American is tolerable but not anymore, the Ozzie’s would be on you like a pack of Lions.
So where on earth should you go?
South-East Asia that’s where you should scamper too. Start a new life, get a new career, live a modest but enjoyable lifestyle, have a beer on the beach and sleep well knowing that you’re thousands of miles away from any military target.
Realistically, why South-East Asia?
The simple answer is this; it is so diverse, the countries within SE Asia are just simply beautiful, amazing climate (even when it rains), happy people everywhere you turn, beaches galore, the food is fantastic and above all IT’S CHEAP!!! For the thousands you may spend on your post-apocalyptic survival shelter you can live in SE Asia for a decade or more. I have been living in Thailand for almost 4 years now and my eagerness to keep up to date with what is going on back in “the real world” is absolutely minimal.
Lets have a quick comparison of my 2 lives shall we:
England – Forced to wake in the dark at an ungodly hour by the shrill of an alarm clock, read the Times over breakfast, listen to the news on the way to work, freeze my tits off at work, walk 200m away from a building just to have a fag, drive home in the rain, watch the news over dinner, discuss current affairs over a beer (if you can afford one), stress about the next day, go to bed.
Thailand – Awaken by the sun beaming through your window, realize you have another hour just to lounge around, sit on the balcony with a brew, race to work at 5 mph on your clapped out scooter, meet your mates, meet your customers, laugh a lot, go diving, have a beer, have another beer because the sunset is just too beautiful to leave alone, go for dinner with friends, home, chill on the balcony, look forward to repeating it all again tomorrow.
Not exactly a difficult choice to make is it folks, but wait a minute I can hear it now, “Don’t be stupid, that’s impossible, I cannot do that” yes you can, anyone can do it, all you need is a passport (so that’s 80% of Americans screwed) and a sense of adventure. Hundreds of thousands of expats live in SE Asia, I do and I love it!
You’ll need to get visa savvy so check out my previous blog Travel Tips For Thailand for an overview on how to get started with those. Next, decide what you want to do, I STRONGLY suggest a career in diving.
Once roused by the sun and at work your morning starts something like this…. Sat at the beach resort bar (which still displays all the carnage of beer bottles from the night before) having the first cigarette of the day awaiting the mass order of various coffees to be delivered to you and your peers. It’s 730 and you still have 45 minutes until the days lead instructor produces your student files and points them out to you in the restaurant; so to kill time you discuss topics much akin to “what the hell, I only came in for 1 beer last night” or “Oh good god, I hope that group of hot chicks is my group”
Before you know it you are introduced to your group of nervous individuals and you build a rapport to start the day that lays ahead. Now, I can categorically say that I have taught an inordinate amount of diverse individuals from all around the world and I find it very difficult to reflect and think of individuals that I did not like or care to be around. Why is this? it’s very simple guys and girls, everybody is on holiday on a tropical island with friends and/or loved ones and they are here to be happy.
So, as one of my good friends said to me years ago, surround yourself with good people and you’ll be happy, BOOM become a diver it’s as simple as that, with the added advantage of dodging the next Word War you too could be sat on a porch, in a Sarong in 35 degree heat in the suburbs of the Khao Lak jungle not really giving a toss about the nutter that has been elected to take over the world by some dumb-asses.
Becoming a diver
In itself is relatively simple, as long as YOU apply yourself. Have a look at my previous blogs to get an idea on the early stages What’s it like to Scuba Dive for the First Time? & The Open Water Scuba Diving Course. I’ll be producing more pages that will explain the further education required to make it up to Dive Master in the near future.
Well for the next month or so I am working on the West coast, yes, Khao Lak. This is the main point of departure for anyone wishing to visit the Similan Islands (and I strongly recommend it, especially if you dive) so I am going to be “freelancing” as a dive pro with a number of dive companies and I’ll be blogging to give you some feedback on what it is like to freelance here and also information on the companies I work for and how they go about their business in support of their customers. Exciting times ahead!!
Take note Yankees, it’s only banter but I do feel your pain right now.